Thursday, May 29, 2008

I don't even know

There's so much on my mind right now...I'm not even sure how to put it into words. But I feel like something big is going to happen soon. & It's really necessary for something to happen.



About 2 weeks ago, I was really struggling with something. It paralyzed me for about a week and a half, and then it just seemed to go away. There wasn't an actual resolution, and I'm still not on the same page with God. I haven't talked to Him much at all. All in all, there was no resolution to one of the biggest struggles i've had in my life so far.

This kind of worried me, but I didn't think much of it and just went on with my normal boring life. Today, Kelsey & I had a chance to spend a lot of time together. On the way home from church, I began thinking over my struggle. I mentioned it briefly, and asked a few questions about her opinion. Somehow, we got onto the topic of Kevin Lawyer. We talked about our personal experiences and how it still effects us today.

I don't know why, but it got me thinking about my struggle & how BIG our God is. He orchestrates every little thing into our lives to create a huge work of art, a masterpiece, that He is excited about showing us a little of everyday.

So many things have spoken encouragement into my life over the last few weeks, as if God was whispering to me, "it's okay, you can make it through another day". But I didn't even notice it.

I don't know why I'm still here, or what God is doing with me. I'm still battling with it. I'm still fighting to find answers & constantly questioning. I'm still unsure, and I still need to wrestle with some of my thoughts.

Ultimately, God has shown Himself a lot to me over the last few weeks, & I'm just now realizing it. I know He's going to do something huge with this. I don't what yet, but I need to just keep holding on to find out.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

So..

I am currently obsessed with:

1. My new laptop
2. Roller Coaster Tycoon
3. Bees
4. Apple Sauce

The End.

Monday, May 26, 2008

Blogspot!

So, I just got a blogspot! I wanted to wait until I got a laptop to get one so I don't have to sit in my freezing cold basement in order to pour my heart out in a blog everyday. I guess I'm pretty excited about it. & I'll have to figure it out. which shouldn't be too hard!