Fix your attention on God & you will be changed from the inside out

I feel it's been a long time since I've blogged, So I'll update on things that God has been doing in the last few weeks. Sorry, it's kinda long. haha

I wrote a note to my mom to let her know about my depression and let her know that I was going to talk to my psychiatrist about it. She knew all along that something was going on, and she just wanted me to tell her what it was. This is why we had been arguing everyday since camp. After I gave her the letter, we didn't fight after that. Shows what openness and communication does for a relationship. So, after that, I dealt with the episodes until I went to my psychiatrist. He gave me more medication, (an expensive one at that), and gave me the responsibility of controlling my dosage while at college. I'm a little worried, but we'll see what God does with that. I haven't had any episodes since I started the medication, and it seems to be going well so far.

We had senior send off last Wednesday, which I expected to be an emotional mess. But, it was actually really nice, it was a good look on the last 4 years and great to hear encouraging words from our brothers and sisters in Uprising. There was a little emotion, but not enough to make the night horrible or anything. After senior send off, we had worship night in the parking lot. We parked our cars in a circle, put chairs in the circle, and lit candles and put them in the center. Nate led, and it was an incredible time to spend with my close brothers and sisters, possibly one of the last times we can informally worship our God together. I was able to lay and look at the stars God created. The connection between all of us and God was strong, and it was a really amazing close to this chapter of my life.

I thought about this last night: All of the 2008 graduates have become incredibly close this summer, knowing that we'll have to part ways at the end of August. Through this, we've been interacting and supporting each other through Christ so closely that we can completely sense what God is doing in each other's lives almost as close as we can sense what He's doing in our own lives. This has been an amazing experience, just being able to know what it's like to have friends who know you inside and out, who can thoroughly and honestly encourage you to move towards Christ. This is what the body of Christ was meant to be.

I've been reading so many books and digging into the Word and really engaging with God more than ever. I really feel it's happening with all of the '08ers because God is equipping us to have the necessary strength we need in Him to go away to college. He's given me so much more than I imagined He would. He's mainly taught me to just keep my focus on Him and really engage in my relationship with Him, and He will take care of the rest.

I was convicted to bring closure to a badly ended friendship. We were supportive to each other because we both know what it's like to be struggling through psychological disorders. She's not a Christian, and recently I've learned the way out. God convicted me to share the truth with her, and to apologize for the way our friendship ended. I don't expect her to respond, but I'm praying that God will open her eyes to the truth.

I'm becoming more and more calm about college. I'm learning that God is my only constant while everything else is changing. I need to hold onto him through the transition. Yeah, the goodbyes are hard, but I know I'll see them again in November. I'm praying for God to prepare my heart and mind for what is to come. I was at my friend Dani's house yesterday (she's going to school with me) and I had a conversation with Dani and her mom about college. It was really encouraging, and I'm really glad I was able to talk with her mom. I know God's going to do BIG things down there, in and through me and others. I'm excited for what God's going to do, so I just need to hold on and pray. Fear and anxiety are not from God. I'm incredibly grateful for my last days being spent in worship, prayer, and fellowship with other believers.

Lastly, I want to share something that may help you as much as it's helping me. At the senior send off, Lance gave me a book called "Mind Games". It's all about the traps our mind falls into that causes us to be far from God. There was a chapter about distraction. I don't know about you, but it's so easy for me to get distracted during worship for various reasons. There was an excerpt in this chapter about this. This is what it said:

"Of all the elements of Christianity that define the lifestyle, worship is the one thing that absolutely cannot be about me. Elements like my sin and my lifestyle changes and my attitude are about me. Worship is about God - Just God. It really isn't even how I feel about God. It's just about who God is. He's wonderful. He's glorious. He's powerful. He's sovereign. He's all of those things completely separate from me. If I didn't exist, he'd still be all of those things. And knowing that he's all of those things makes my distractions, my selfishness, and my excuses pretty lame. The solution? If the singing distracts me, I can't sing-just focus on the words and say them to God in my heart. If the light show distracts me, I can't look-I'll just close my eyes and pretend it's just me and God in an empty room. And if none of those ideas works, I'll just be grateful that I can praise and worship God in what I do all hours of the day, not just the twenty minutes I spend in worship at church. Mercifully, two of his best qualities are patience and forgiveness."

I could write so much more, but I've already written a lot. Thanks for reading if you did, and I'd love to hear how God is working in your life!