Confessions from a Crushed Spirit
I'm pissed. Every tiny thing sets me off. 'Why the HELL are you looking at me?'. 'Dammit, I have to piss.' Now I'm anxious. Nerves are shooting up and down my body. I feel it coming. I have to stop it from coming. But how? It's too late. Draining. My energy is draining. Where is it going? 'No, no, no. I hate this. Why is my body doing this again?' I squirm. I let out a small groan but luckily no one notices. Now I can't move. 'Just squeeze your hand.' I try but fail. Try again. Nothing. I stare at the TV screen, but I can't comprehend a thing. End of the movie. 'Get up; move.' I can't. But I can squeeze my hand. Stare. Time goes by. I slowly force myself to get up. 'Dammit, why does it have to be like this?' I walk slowly out of the lobby and towards the place where Candace is studying. The walk seems so long, 'can I make it with these wobbly steps?' I cling to my blanket. 'God, please get me there.' I get to the table and collapse in the chair. I sob into my blanket. A fuzzy voice asks if we should go to my room. I force myself there. I open the door; 'my roommate's here.' I place my head on my bed and cry. I try to keep it quiet so Abi can't tell. "What's wrong?", she asks. Candace walks in. She rubs my back. I fall onto the floor. I sob. I've lost control of my body. Convulse. Abi gives me a massage. She asks me questions. I can't make words. I just cry. Candace is sitting next to me, I can feel her there. My crying subsides. Abi tries to comfort me; tries to help me lay down. Nothing. 'Depression has taken over me. I hate this, I hate this.' I begin to cry again. 'God, why?' I calm down. I sit up. Stare. Catatonia. Nothing. Time. Candace plays with my hair. 'Oh yeah, I'm human. Wake up.' Blank. I sit, I stare. 'I don't think this will ever end.' "You're going to get through this", Abi says. Blink. Nothing. Blink again. I snap out of it. 'I want to sleep.' I get up, Candace tells me goodnight. 'It's over, for now.'
Catatonia
Halt--
Time slips away.
But I don't notice.
I can't notice.
Blank--
No thoughts. No surroundings.
I stare at the wall.
My eyes play tricks on me.
No movement.
You sit by my side
And watch as the seconds roll away.
Floating--
Where am I?
Who are you?
Touch me--
I need to know I'm still human.
I think I'm talking to you.
But no words are coming out.
Why aren't you answering my questions?
You think I'm crazy?
Well, so do I.
I don't expect you to understand.
Floating.
Fading.
Where am I?
Who are you?
Hold Tight
The tidal wave is coming over the horizon.
Take a deep breath.
It comes closer now.
Hold Tight.
The force knocks you down.
Hold Tight.
It's just an attack on your faith.
Muster your strength.
Your body is broken and bruised,
But your Spirit is still struggling
For a fighting chance.
Hold Tight.
It will pass.
It will pass.
Cling for dear life.
Hold Tight.
It will pass.
Hope will keep you alive.
Hope will allow you to win
This brutal war.
