There's so much on my mind right now...I'm not even sure how to put it into words. But I feel like something big is going to happen soon. & It's really necessary for something to happen.
About 2 weeks ago, I was really struggling with something. It paralyzed me for about a week and a half, and then it just seemed to go away. There wasn't an actual resolution, and I'm still not on the same page with God. I haven't talked to Him much at all. All in all, there was no resolution to one of the biggest struggles i've had in my life so far.
This kind of worried me, but I didn't think much of it and just went on with my normal boring life. Today, Kelsey & I had a chance to spend a lot of time together. On the way home from church, I began thinking over my struggle. I mentioned it briefly, and asked a few questions about her opinion. Somehow, we got onto the topic of Kevin Lawyer. We talked about our personal experiences and how it still effects us today.
I don't know why, but it got me thinking about my struggle & how BIG our God is. He orchestrates every little thing into our lives to create a huge work of art, a masterpiece, that He is excited about showing us a little of everyday.
So many things have spoken encouragement into my life over the last few weeks, as if God was whispering to me, "it's okay, you can make it through another day". But I didn't even notice it.
I don't know why I'm still here, or what God is doing with me. I'm still battling with it. I'm still fighting to find answers & constantly questioning. I'm still unsure, and I still need to wrestle with some of my thoughts.
Ultimately, God has shown Himself a lot to me over the last few weeks, & I'm just now realizing it. I know He's going to do something huge with this. I don't what yet, but I need to just keep holding on to find out.
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3 comments:
He will do something huge. With you, with your circumstances. Just as you said...He's orchestrating your life for the better, for His plan. You are so beautiful. I love you so very much!
Maybe the something big involves a movie about applesauce?
Crap... i went back the same joke one too many times.
When God sets his sights on you, good luck trying to outrun his love and grace. He can and will redeem the lost time and struggle. It's what He does.
God is in the middle of stuff we are in the middle of.
also, i love you and i have really enjoyed building our friendship over these past few months.
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