I was driving home from the store about an hour ago, and I stopped by the mailbox to pick up the Pinto's always overflowing mail. As I looked out of the car, I noticed the sky. And I gasped. The stars were so clear, so beautiful. I came inside and let Ellie go potty, then went upstairs and onto the balcony outside of Doug & Wendy's room. I took Ellie with me because I knew she would cause chaos otherwise. I laid down in silence (Ellie was actually quiet for once, too) and got lost in the beauty of the stars. Laying under the stars always makes me realize how small I am, and how big God is. After awhile, I whispered "God is big, and God is good." Then I said a short prayer. "God, you're bigger than anything I could ever face in this world. You're bigger than my greatest fears, my deepest depression, and my wildest dreams. You're bigger than the utter mess I am. You're a God who has all things, but still you want ME. Why do want this mess?" As soon as I said that, I saw a shooting star. I really felt God surrounding me, telling me, "I love you. I love you. I created the sky for you. I gave up everything just to be with YOU." I started to whisper the words of Sweep Me Away. God as once again left me in awe. And for the first time, I really feel that God loves me with an overwhelming, unconditional, extravagant love. It doesn't matter that I'm a mess. God uses those who ADMIT that they're a huge mess and can't do anything without Him. That's me.
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1 comment:
ahh beautiful.
and when you told me that you stayed and looked up at the stars, i wish i could have asked you questions so i could have heard this story in person. lovely.
hope messy spirituality is treating you well.
and i'm glad you're ready to go home. i love you.
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